The last days of 35 for us both

This is my Auntie Bec. She's an Auntie because her last name is Yurman – not because her first name is Becky, as she'd probably argue. We both have birthdays coming up. I'm probably getting another elk antler. She should be so lucky.

Bec and I have been hangin' out at Craighurst Estates for the last little while. It's not that dissimilar to when I go there with Dan and Tiia. The air's a bit cleaner. The streats are a bit yummier. The couch in the front room is still the place to be.

There are definitely some differences, though. She's in the OLP camp (On Leash Peeps). Dan and Tiia are NLPs. Also, Bec likes the guest bed. Hey, it's fine by me; she's the one giving up space.

A vote for Maui

Dear Hawaiian GOPers,

I'm Maui Yurkenbaum, and I want to be your 2012 write-in candidate for President of the United States this Tuesday.

Some of you may have a problem with me not actually subscribing to many of your views. But here's why I don't think that should matter: you've got four options now and none of them has a hope of taking Obama down because they don't have the advantages I can bring.

• I can get the inside scoop on Obama 2012 from Bo. I've been holding on to a brick of Gruyere for just this kind of bribery.

• I can court the gay vote. I don't mean to brag, but I was somewhat of a star at the 2010 Halifax Pride Parade.

• I'll never be the subject of any cockamamie 'birther' scandal – the statute says that "no person not born in the United States will be eligible for the presidency". So there.

• Mauimania. It's real.