Who's got an in at the Children's Television Workshop?

Dan's always thought he'd be the perfect replacement for Jim Henson as the voice of Kermit – my dog, he practices it enough in the shower. But I think I've got a leg up on him. I defy anyone to figure out which one of these is not like the other!

Just Cuz

When Dan and Tiia go away, I stay with my cousin Jackson. That's us coming back from the beach last winter –> Jackson picks on me for not lifting my leg when I go. As far as I know, there's no rule that says you have to – it's not machismo, and it doesn't make the territory any less marked.

The great thing about staying at Jackson's is that he's got this HUGE people bed he gets to sleep in! I'd love to know how he convinced Auntie Julie and Uncle Josh to move to the spare room. I've been trying for almost three years and have gotten nowhere. I've covered the bed with sand. I've puked on the sheets. I've even woken Tiia up by sitting on her head. Nothing. Argh.

Wagon's East

Dan and I have a few different morning routes, but my favourite one takes us east along Queen Street because of the bowl of cookies that Heel Boy keeps out for me. And you should see Dan try to resist grabbing a few for me – you can actually watch the conflict play out in his face.

There she is...

Every day you walk on by,

you sexy little bitch.

You wink your eye and wag your tail

and scratch my primal itch.

Your owner's always walking fast,

you're never far behind.

You act all prim and proper but

I know what's on your mind.

You'd love to meet me in the park

to run and jump and play.

You'd love to hang off each and every

bark and woof I say.

You'd love to take a swim with me

and roll around in sand.

Just like that river twisting

through a dusty land.

That 80's pop song reference

was the best that I could do.

Which means, elusive stranger,

that this ode to you is through.

I hate....

...when Dan gives me the "thumbs up". It's like he's mocking me. I wonder if wagging my tail at him has the same effect? Back to sleep.

It just occurred to me...

...that it would be easier to solicit grandparent nicknames for Helen and Ed if people knew what they looked like. That's them over there. –>

I'm off the Bubbie and Zaidie train, I think. It doesn't fit. And anything beginning with G is off the table, too.

What about Eddie and Helsy? Hmmm...I like it. I wonder if they will? How can I get Dan to start working it in to casual conversation? This might be a Tiia job.

Taking a stand by taking a seat.

Every time I ride public transportation, I see other dogs on the ground – and I don't get it: the floor is filthy and sticky, and people's shoes smell like feet.

I wonder if "no dogs on the seats" is the official rule? "No dogs on the bed" was the official rule at my house...for about 25 minutes. Either way, it's floor no more for this pooch. I'm moving up in the world. Literally.