Ask The Maui Monster

Dear Maui Monster

My people won't take me out with them everywhere they go. Today they went on a girly shopping mission and I thought for sure they'd take me because I'm one of the girls, but they left me at home. What do you suggest?

Stuck at home Sophie

Dear Sophie,

It's too bad you didn't get to go because you would've had fun – the girls are in fine form these days. Jacko and I got to hang with them at girlie brunch the other day. It was a hoot from the word "go".

What you need to do is divide and conquer; appeal to the girls individually and get them to advocate for you the next time they go out. I understand you have until Tuesday night to make it happen. Here's how I would approach each of them:

Auntie Robyn: Do something absurd and let her see you do it, but make sure the others aren't around so she can describe it to them. She'll make you look good.

Aunty Julie: With everyone else available to hold Charlie, she might need something to do with her hands. Bring her something for her to play with you. Not a diaper.

Tiia: Snuggle up to her when she's on the couch. The cuter you can make yourself look, the more likely she'll be to give you cheese. Trust me.

Charlie: I haven't spent a lot of time with Charlie yet, but from what I can remember, stay away from telling her the story of the Jewish people; Dan tried that and it didn't work out.

Good luck, and lemmie know how it goes.

MM