The perfect belly rub....

The perfect belly rub is comprised of three very important elements, two of which have nothing to do with the belly:

Part 1: The Belly

Obviously, any good belly rub requires attention paid to the belly – but it's the kind of attention that dictates its quality. There should be a mixture of rubbing and scratching, and it should be evenly spread out across my stomach. Also, it should not veer too much to either side, and instead take north/south paths.

Part 2: The Armpits

During any belly scratch, you'll notice my arms and legs stretch out as far as they possibly can. That's the unspoken sign to pay a visit to my underarms. I'll yelp if you scratch too hard, so please be gentle.

Part 3: The Armpull

I'm never more relaxed that I am after a belly rub, which is why it's the perfect time to stretch my muscles.