Ask The Maui Monster

Dear Maui Monster...

My people eat in bed all the time, but I when I try to jump up with a chewing bone, I get in trouble. I'm not a fan of this 'do as I say, not as I do' thing. How do I get what I want?

- Unimpressed

Hi Unimpressed.

Here's the thing to remember about your folks: they'll eventually cave. It may not be today or even tomorrow; but one day, they'll get sick of fighting with you and just let you have your way. Trust me.

I've heard that the hard part is waiting them out. I say this because waiting to get what I want isn't something I've experienced much as a Yurkenbaum. But if I was being forced to slow-play in your situation, here's what I'd do:

1. 

Bring your bone up on to your peeps' bed when they're out. Try to chew it as many places on the bed as possible, especially up by the pillow area so the smell of the bone starts to get into the cases. Some dogs will try to swallow a piece of the bone and drop a few farts around the bed to really push the bone smell. I see this as counter-productive. Do this for a few weeks, and try to do it with a relatively new bone. Old soggies will stain the sheets – big red flag.

Make sure you're off the bed by the time they get home. The last thing you want is for them to catch you on there in step one because you won't be getting to step two. 

2. 

Okay, so now you've subliminally acclimated your humans to the smell of the bone, it's time for the sight. For this step, while you're still going to hop on when they leave home and hop off when they come back, you're going to leave the bone on the bed.

This will get them used to picking it up and tossing on to the floor, without the image of you on their bed with it. They'll know you were on it, but this way is a bit more respectful.

It's around this time that your people may catch on and either take away the chewing bone (bad) or close the bedroom door when they leave (so much worse). It's the chance you take when you want to alter their behaviour. Some ways to mitigate include walking nicely next to your peeps for while (or even prancing if you can); making sure not to eat any chicken bones, old spaghetti or whatever else you may find on a stroll. The more agreeable you are, they less likely they'll say no to anything.

3.

Now comes the moment of truth. Plan to jump up with your bone at night when they've already been in bed for a while reading or watching TV. You want them awake, but too comfortable to want together out of bed for anything. The best situation (believe it of not) would be if one of your peeps was adamant about you taking your bone off the bed and the other didn't care. As soon as you can divide them, you win. This, by the way is true for everything you want.

Good luck!