Story Time

Once upon a time, there was a cute dog named Maui who ruled his kingdom from as far as the eye could see. His two subjects, Dan and Tiia, would cater to his every whim. If he wanted to go outside for a walk, they took him. If he wanted to sleep in their bed, they let him. If he wanted a treat before dinner (even two treats), they were more than happy to oblige him.

Maui was the envy of all his friends in the dog park. He'd prance into the scrum where the other dogs were madly running around as if they hadn't just been on a two-hour walk. And why wouldn't they have been? Didn't all dogs get to live that way? As it turns out, they didn't. He learned that when the big people brought a little person home, the family hierarchy, as one wise golden retriever in Trinity Bellwoods noted, was disturbed.

"Maybe for others," thought Maui, "but not for me." He wasn't sure how well his buddies had trained their people, but Maui had his wound pretty well around his dew-claw. Even Tiia, who took a fair amount more work than Dan to convert (that is, more than 45 minutes), was 100% devoted.

Yup. Life was good for Maui. Very good.

And then, with no warning, Prince Milo showed up and everything changed. All of a sudden, Maui went out when Dan and Tiia had time. When Maui wanted a treat, he had to wait until Prince Milo was fed. And changed. And played with. And changed again. And put to bed. And most of the time, Dan and Tiia were too tired after that to remember the treats. As for sleeping in the bed? Maui still did that, but there was far less room once Prince Milo decided he didn't like his bassinet anymore.

As you can imagine, none of this sat well with Maui. He had worked too hard over the previous seven years to be dethroned by this crying, pooping thing that was making a claim for his spot in the bed. Not one to take things lightly, Maui sprang in to action devising a plan to banish Prince Milo from his kingdom.

He knew that violence wasn't the answer (Maui's a lover), so building on the principles of Ghandi and Mia Farrow, he decided to stage a hunger strike. What he didn't take into consideration was (a) he was a grazer so his hunger strike went unnoticed and (b) how hungry he got when he didn't eat. This plan was clearly a loser, so he moved on to his next scheme: aloofness.

When Dan, Tiia and Prince Milo walked into a room, Maui decided that he'd leave the room. That would show them. Again, he underestimated his love of chin scratches and full body rubdowns, which he could still expect from the person not holding the baby. Drat.

Next on the strategy list was indifference. He'd stay in the room, but look away. The problem with this was two-fold. Firstly, it was a bit difficult to look away from Prince Milo (he's pretty cute). Secondly, Maui had gotten so used to responding to his name that he couldn't stop. Heck, he'd turn if Dan or Tiia called out something resembling his name. 'Howie' got him a few times. So did 'mower'.

Maui had run out of ideas. But then something magical started to happen. Prince Milo stopped being a blob and was turning in to a little person. And he took a liking to Maui. This presented a few very exciting opportunities for the dog that once had it all but now felt like he had less. Prince Milo was slowly becoming a new friend; but more importantly, Prince Milo was growing in to someone Maui could train...like he did with Dan and Tiia. If he wanted a treat, Prince Milo could get it. If he wanted to go out, Prince Milo would take him. And as for the sleeping. he knew Prince Milo would be getting a new bed soon enough, which meant Maui would be getting a new bed soon enough. It had been a while.

Maui decided that what was best long term was to stop fighting the new addition and embrace it instead. Best. Decision. Ever.

Sure, he doesn't get to walk they way he used to. But he's too tired for that anyway. And yes, he still has to wait for treats. But the wait makes them taste better.

And as for the bed, now that Prince Milo's got a little kingdom of his own down the hall, Maui's back safe, sound and sandy with Dan and Tiia.

The moral of the story, Prince Milo? There's always someone willing to give you cheese eventually. Ahem.