Tuesday, March 22, 2016

Daydreaming

I'm walking through a forest. There's a slight drizzle. I come across a little hut. The doormat has "Welcome Maui" written on it. Hey...that's my name! I think I'll open the door.

Wait. No thumbs. Hmmm...

Ok, I can figure this out. I have a diploma in something similar to problem-solving. Think.

Think.

Think! Head! I'll knock on the door with my head. And I'll use my dorsal fin. I knew it'd come in handy eventually.

Knock Knock.

Ow.

Crap.

Knock knock.

OW!

Come on...I don't want to have to do this a th...footsteps!

Someone's coming! I wonder who it is? Maybe it's someone from my past? Is it a dog from my past? Dhaja? Kenzo? Winston? YoYo? I wish it could have been Jackson or Wicket or Ishii Or Woofie. Sad.

Maybe its not about the past at all? The future? A fresh face? What if it was someone famous like Obama? I love him. I'm sad to see him go. His waterdog's about the same age as me. I think Bo and I would get along well. But he'd have to change his name because we already have a Bo in our life. Of course, I'd offer to workshop a new name with him.

Footsteps. My lord this is taking a long time. It's not that big of a hut.

Finally.

The door opens. It's a chipmunk. Didn't see that coming.

"Hi Maui. We've been expecting you."

Hmmm...didn't expect that either.

"You're a talking chipmunk!"

"You're a talking dog."

Fair point.

"Maui, we prepared you a snack: chevre-stuffed mozzarella balls drizzled, wrapped in brie and drizzled with melted gouda.

Yup, that just about covers all the cheese groups. Except stinky cheese. But that's okay — my regular food stinks enough as it is. And then, of course, there's the effect.

"Great. Is it snack time?"

"What you think we'd make it that easy?"

"No, but I thought I might do. It's my daydream."

"Clearly you have some unresolved achievement issues you have to work through. Succeeding here may help you address some of them."

"Or it'd get me a bite of chevre-stuffed mozzarella balls drizzled, wrapped in brie and drizzled with melted gouda."

"True."

"OK then, so how do I make it snack time?"

"You have to say the magic word."

"Please."

"Come on."

"Um...ok...um....he's a chipmunk. He's brown with a white stripe. Um...he has big eyes and a bushy tail. Wait! He has buckteeth. No, that's nothing.

Think. This is your daydream. If you were going to give a Chipmunk a magic word, what would it be.

I've got it. I pull the chipmunk closer — close enough to read his name tag. Chip. CHIP?  No way my daydream is that first level. Wait, that's just his animal name code. His name's Horatio. I can dig that. Way better than Chip.

"Ho...can I call you Ho?" I said.

"No."

"Ho, I know the magic word."

"No you don't."

"Yes I do. I know it because I created it. This is my daydream, so the magic word's in my head. Just gotta find it.  Gimme a minute.

...

...

...

I've got it!

"The magic word is "Orange."

"Amazing! How'd you know?"

"The same reason you're now a Chipmunk wearing a pair of khakis, a fedora and a mezuzah around your neck."

"And what reason is that?"

"Because I make the rules here. It's my daydream. And I say it's snack time."

"Well, then it's snack time. Jaques!"

Jaques? There's a Jaques?

Hey! It's the mouse from the cheese tree. Awesome! I was hoping to see him again.

"Maui, let me show you to your table."

Great...it's about time. I can't wait to take a bite out of Téo Leoni.

Huh?

Téo Leoni?

Crap. I'm awake. At least Madam Secretary is on.

Come on...get it back.

Chipmunk. Mouse. chevre-stuffed mozzarella balls drizzled, wrapped in brie and drizzled with melted gouda. Nope. Too hungry to sleep. Maybe

I'll angle for a cheese string. It's not the same. But neither is the real world.


Monday, March 21, 2016

Toys of the trade

Dan got me an orange frisbee. I think he chose it match Milo's orange basketball. I'm thinking it's going to become our family colour, which I'm more than happy with because, well, because every family needs a colour. I think I'm going to start angling for an orange leash to keep the theme going. I just have to wait for the peeps to lose the leashes I have now, which shouldn't take too long. They've already lost one this year and it's only March.

That's it for now.

Tuesday, March 15, 2016

Bad dog


I rolled in dead animal today. Tiia was unimpressed. I think she'd feel differently if she tried it. That's it.

Thursday, March 10, 2016

A white couch? Really?

Some dogs I know are never allowed up on the furniture. I'm not one of those dogs. Dan and Tiia tried to make me one of those dogs way back when they learned that Barbets were also know as "mud dogs", but that was never going to happen. I'm far too cute and cuddly, and way too good at getting what I want.

You'd think the peeps would have learned from our old white couch that they had to have cleaned repeatedly. It appears they have short memories because here we go again...a white couch.

You'd also think that having two kids would have dissuaded this kind of choice. Nope. Instead, they just cover it with blankets and pray that nothing spills on it. So far so good, actually.


Tuesday, March 1, 2016

A glimpse into the future


This is my birth father, Punch. He turned 13 this week. Check out the grey. I wonder if that's where I'm heading? Tiia tells me I have a few greys on my back and in my ears. I'll have to take her word for it, as they're the two places on my body I'll never see. 

Tiia's solution: pluck the hairs and show them to me. 

Dan's response: "Don't fall for that. I let her pluck me in 2002 and she's still going."

I think I have to go with Dan on this one.