Monday, July 20, 2015

Das Maui



This has become my go-to nap spot on the main floor. It used to be the kitchen floor, but now that Dan and Tiia are sweeping it every day, it doesn't offer the same rewards.

It tends to get muggy in there in the summer. I described it to Dan as a hot box. He giggled and said that was ironic. Not sure why.

Monday, July 13, 2015

It was a massacre


This was Vernon. He was named after a character in A Home For Bird, one of Milo's favourite books. Russell The Sheep is another one of his favourite books. I've never had a stuffed sheep before. Perhaps the peeps will bring one home for me soon. Or barbecue up some lamb for Milo to feed to me. I'm easy.

Vernon's limbs were his best quality because they made him flingable. This made him great for the Main Floor Chase. On the flip side, it made him bounce less easily, which made Basement Free For All pretty much impossible. Shame then that that's where he shuffled off this rock. Death by irony.




Sunday, July 12, 2015

Maui Toys




Dan and Tiia call my stuffed animals Maui toys. Who knew there was actually a company called Maui Toys. I know now, because Milo has one of their balls. And I have to tell you, it's definitely his best one. You should see how high it bounces.

I wonder if Maui Toys is interested in creating a line of stuffed animals – more specifically, a line of cute black stuffed French Water Dogs. If that grumpy cat can make it, why can't I? Or should I say we, Maui Toys?

Come on...look how cute it'd be.






Saturday, July 11, 2015

Before & After

I like to wait until Dan invites me up on to the couch. Not because I'm being polite, but because I know he will. He's good like that.




The best is when he invites me into his king size bed, mostly because it implies that it's not my bed already.

Wednesday, July 8, 2015

Charles


Charles is a racoon Dan and Tiia brought home a while ago. I was surprised at first, given the way they feel about actual racoons. Maybe they secretly wanted to live vicariously through me ripping his stuffing out? I get it, but I couldn't do it with Charles. He's just too perfect the way he is.

I have high hopes that Charles will say something other than squeak. He's got a tongue. I know this because it's permanently sticking it out at me. Maybe I should teach him to speak the way we taught Milo?




Thursday, July 2, 2015

The Maui Method – Getting a Baby to Feed You


0-3 months
Start by licking your little one's fingers when you can. Do it gently so as not to scare them, and NEVER do it when they're sleeping. You don't want to wake them up, but more importantly, you want them to be aware that you're doing it.

Also, don't stick exclusively to the hands or your people will know something's up. I recommend going to the hands 65%-70% of the time.



4-12 months
The baby'll be fully alert and learning at a geometric rate. So this is the time to show them the right way to give you treats. That means getting your people to do it in front of the little one. That means it's best behaviour time — all the time. 

I'm not gonna lie, it'll be tough to keep your composure. On the one hand, you're going to feel very much knocked down a peg at home, and you're probably going to get out for walks a lot less (say goodbye to the evening stroll...for now). At the same time, the baby's going to be climbing all over you, yanking at your ears, poking you in the eye and occasionally smacking you in the face. But you have to power through and show your people that you're happy to take it for the team. They'll be extra generous.

Just remember to pick your moments. Don't get greedy and try for treats when the kid's not in the kitchen. And when you get your treat, try making eye contact with the baby so they feel part of the transaction.

And keep the finger-licking going. You can even let them feel your teeth.



12-20 months
This is where you'll start to see results. The kid'll be eating good food like cheese strings now, and tossing a significant amount your way.  Best part: your people will love you for cleaning the floor.

Park yourself near the high chair and give the little muncher a target to aim for. If a morsel comes in your direction, do something fun to get it — make'em laugh. It goes a long way.





20-24 months
You've been licking their hands for a year and a half. They've seen how you like being fed. And they know you'd gladly take what they don't want. It's time to make your move.

The key is waiting for them to make the first move. It'll look they're about to throw something, but then they pull it back and gaze over at you. Walk — don't pounce — over to them and wait for them to put their hand in the right position (they know what it is). Then gently reach out and take it.

And just like that: your life changes forever.














Wednesday, July 1, 2015

Ask The Maui Monster

Dear Maui Monster...


I like my name, but I hate the nickname they have for me. I've been protesting by simply not responding, but I'm missing out on treats as a result. Any other suggestions?

Rocky — aka Rockerific (???)


Hi Rocky...

That's a tough one. I can't personally relate to your dilemma as I've been happy with all my nicknames. My latest two are my favourites: Milo calls me Manya, which I like because I think sounds kinda Yiddish, which I like because it lets me get in touch with my Jewish roots, which I like because I love cheese blintzes. And just last weekend, my friend Isabelle started calling me Meowi. That's her and I together at the cottage  last weekend.  People call her BeeBo. Now that's a nickname.

But I digress.

Non-responsiveness never works for the reasons you've already discovered: you're the only one who's going to miss out. Instead, you need to go in the opposite direction with overt defiance.

Next time they drop a Rockerific, raise your leg like you're about to pee. Don't actually do it, though — no need to find yourself back in dog training. Just threaten. Do that four or five times and they'll start to get the hint. It's Pavlov's people. Look it up.