An especially tearful goodbye

Mr. Scamper was the first four-legged fan of the Dogblog. He originally got in touch on September 30th, 2009 with stories of his Grammy and Grampy's mashed potatoes and beef gravy. I was 95% touched and 5% jealous.*

Amazingly enough, Mr. Scamper and I never met face-to-face. But we will one day – and when we do, I'm gonna ask him all about his squirrel-chasing methods. I've tried everything and come up empty for five years. It's enough to drive you nuts.

* number varies depending on what Helsi or Gramma Christine make.

I think someone spiked the cheese fondu

Ahem...

In some cultures, it's customary for the birthday boy to get everyone in his family gifts as tokens of appreciation for putting up with him for a whole year.

I'll take 100 grams of Swiss. I'm feeling rather yodelish.

Ask the Maui Monster

Dear Maui Monster...

My people are moving us to the suburbs. I heard you've been living there for the last little while. Is it true that we have to be on leash, even in the park?

~ Greener Grass?

Dear Greener Grass?

If the leashing thing isn't a law, it certainly appears to be a very strong movement. And I'm not sure why; there's a ton of space, hardly any cars and no food on the side of the road like in the city. There's sometimes bread in the school yard, but the crusts have all been removed.

Why I'm not a showdog.

How it should be:

How it is:

This is the Barbet in my neighbourhood

Gambit: Hey...you're Maui, right?

Me: Yeah, how'd you know?

Gambit: I grew up with Bonnie. Recognized you from the Dogblog. What happened to that thing, anyway?

Me: Well, it's kind of a long story.

Gambit: Like...the kind you'd document in a blog?

Me: Touché.

I would've taken a picture, but I can't find the camera.

Me: Hey Kai...what's with the mess?

Kai: Didn't they tell you? We're moving.

Me: No, no. We're just going to the cottage. This happens every year.

Kai: Nah, man...we're moving out of the apartment. For good.

Me: Can't be.

Kai: 'Fraid it is.

Me: But...the Northwest Nook?

Kai: Someone else's sunset.

Me: And hallway sports?

Kai: Someone else's arena.

Me: (Gasp!) And the bed?

Kai: Nope, that's coming with us.

Me: Okay. I was worried there for a minute. What do you know about the new place?

Kai: I heard something about croquet in the backyard.

Me: Sounds promising.

Kai: For you, maybe.

Diana the bilingual dog

Diana is Aunty Lia's dog. Grampa Tony loved when she responded to Estonian commands. I tried doing the same a few times, but only knowing the dirty words never came in handy (well...almost never, but that's a story for another time).

Diana died this weekend, and it got me thinking of the time she and I went tobogganing together on New Years Day. I remember her being so excited to ride down the hill in Uncle Peter's lap, and being so jealous that she never had snowballs on her feet when she got back to the top. Mostly, I remember how she smiled whenever she saw Aunty Lia.

Head aega, Diana. And when you see Grampa Tony, tell him I said tere. He'll get a kick out of that.

Three!

That's Lea up there (the one without the hat). We took that pic a few years ago in the park. She turned three this past week. Happy birthday, kiddo.

I hear Lea's a big fan of mine – word in the stroller circle is that her first words were "Maui Monster". Well, I'm a bigger fan of hers. My third favourite thing about her is how gently and kindly she pulls my ears. My second favourite is how much food she drops when she comes over to eat. My first, of course, is that smile; which I get to enjoy face to face. At least for a little while longer.

Dan thinks I'm sleeping.

I'm not. What I'm actually doing is admiring yet another nasty fart. It'll get to Dan in about 20 seconds and he'll pretend to be grossed out. In reality, he'll be carefully evaluating it against past farts of mine.

This one's got a chance to take the lead, too. Actually, there've been a lot of contenders lately. I think it's because the peeps changed my food. I was disappointed at first to say goodbye to the wet-dry mix, but I've gotten used to the new kibble and it's actually pretty good. Besides, the bag said it was filled with nutritional benefits, and now that its...oh, Dan just got it.

Looks like a winner to me.

It's like someone was reading my mind...

Ask the Maui Monster

Hey Maui,

I came across this picture, and wondered if there is any relation between you and the Guinness Book of World Record holder for the hairiest man?

Thanks,

Auntie Mel

Dear Auntie Mel...

I used to think so. Then this happened...

They took my dreads. They took my ears. They even took my beard. What's a Barbet without a barbe? It's a dog with severe identity issues.

There are a few silver linings to this dark, dark cloud, though: I'm much cooler (maybe not aesthetically, but definitely thermally), and my blingy collar is much more pronounced. If past growth is any indication of future growth, I should be back to normal in no time.

A happy birthday indeed

Another April 27th has come and (almost) gone; and really, it was just another day. I woke up "on the floor" in Gramma Helsi's room, went behind the counter at the post office, tight-rope walked a curb and tried Italian prosciutto for the first time.

Yup...just another day.

Common courtesy

I like to give the peeps a few months to enjoy their new things before I annex them. Take this blanket; Dan bought it for Tiia last Christmas. Since then, I've given them 118 straight days of first dibs on it whenever we'd retire to the couch. I think that's enough time.

Mauiyahu

I'm a much better seder guest than Eliyahu. I don't need my own glass of wine or a song in my honour or anything like that. Just a few bites your dinner and maybe a bum rub.

Life as an office dog

When Dan told me he was getting an office, I was less than impressed. We had a good routine at home. I had the couch, the bed and the cheese in the fridge. He got to wear his comfy clothes all day. Win/Win.

It was a tough adjustment at first, but I'm getting used to it. On the plus side, I get the afternoon sun, surround sound and Otis the Jack Russell whose mailman-directed Napoleon complex entertains me to no end. On the minus side, the rug's no king bed, but once I fall asleep, it doesn't matter much*.

*Only applicable at work.

Before and After

The coin came up tails.

Grampa Tony: Uh...Maui?

Me: Yes, Grampa?

Grampa Tony: I wanna talk to you about the fifty bucks you won at Superbowl.

Me: Yeah, it was great! I'm thinking about splurging for a taste of Swedish Moose Cheese.

Grampa Tony: Do you know how it makes me look to my friends giving money to a dog?

Me: You should be more concerned about what they think of you being on the dogblog.

Grampa Tony: The what?

Me: We've gone over this.

Office pawlitics

Auntie Robyn runs an office next to Stanley Park. She also runs a secret dog treat operation from the kitchenette. The reason I rudely run past Carmen (–>) in such a hurry to get back there is that I don't want anyone else to see.* Now that my behaviour is documented, I understand I can continue it until my sit-down with HR? I'll keep my eyes open for a meeting-maker.

About the treat-bar, they've just changed their selection and I'm a big fan of the update. The new menu features smaller, but far more flavourful morsels. I'm thinking about putting in a request for cheese chasers, but can't decide between Marble, Brie or Jarlsberg. Hmm...

*Now that the cat's out of the bag, the secret word is "GO" (but you've gotta say it in a certain way).

Top 5 things about my bed

5. The new mattress cover. Uncle Pete and Tante Claire have one at the cottage. Not that I've ever been on their bed. Honestly.

4. The pattern on the duvet cover reminds me of the organic treats from Halifax, which makes me have good dreams.

3. The invitations I get to come up. Like I'm doing the peeps a favour by enjoying 5-star comfort.

2. The King size. It's a lot of real estate. I've even divided it up into neighbourhoods. There's Windowview to the north and Tiia-Toe Town to the southwest. Bathroom Heights is due south, but prevailing wind sometimes makes it not the most pleasant place to be.

1. The fact that Dan and Tiia still think it's their bed.

Ask The Maui Monster

Dan goes into an office every day?? Who is giving you your midday cheese snack?

- Miranda

I know, right? It's completely unacceptable. Luckily, years of picking up the frisbee has made me quite dexterous (look at me, droppin' the big words) so I can open the fridge by myself. It's the ziplock bag that's now causing me grief.

Of course, if my plight interests you, you're more than welcome to come by and help a brother out. The front door is locked, but if you really love me, you'll find a way around that. My suggestion is to call Dan and tell him someone is threatening to cancel 90210 from the PVR schedule. He'll be home faster than you can say Adrianna.*

PS: Don't tell him I said that.

Dear Uncle Peter...

Dan just told me you left the country without informing me. I was less than thrilled at first, but then he showed me where you went and I got happy. And jealous. But mostly happy.

Not much has changed since you left. Actually, that's not true. Dan goes to his office every day, which means the peeps are awake at home only 6 out of every 24 hours. And it's still in complete disarray. I swear, it's a gift.