True Petriot Love

Ozzie Ossington

Ozzie Ossington is a buddy of mine in the building. That's him over there on the right. If Yoda and Chewbacca had a love child, it'd look like Ozzie.

Ozzie was named after Ossington Avenue, which is the closest main street to our place. I was named after either a tropical island or a strain of marijuana. Either one works for me.

24 hours I'll never get back

The most productive thing I did today was this blog entry. I'm not proud, but it is what it is. Back to sleep. Again.

The tough decisions of daily life

Deciding where to nap is more difficult than you'd think. In bed I get a comfy mattress, six pillows and a lovely northern view of the city. In the corner nook I'm closer to the page 7 action, the fridge, and the cheese in the fridge. The stress of it all is so tiring; which actually works out pretty well.

Ask The Maui Monster

Dear Maui Monster

I'm a 15 pound lap-dog trapped in a 110 pound German Shepherd's body. I want to let my true self out, but I'm afraid my people won't accept me for who I really am, not to mention the ridicule I'll probably get in the park. What should I do?

Confused

Dear Confused...

Sometimes, you just gotta go for it.

That's what I'm talkin' about

Whenever I can tell that we're gonna walk down to Queen Street, I get this giddy feeling like today might be the day Heel Boy puts their treat bowl back outside. Today was the day.

Doggleheads

I had a dream last night that my likeness was stolen to make the first "Dogglehead" and it became the most successful chachka of all time. Then Dan and Tiia bought one because they thought it kinda looked like me, and I spent the rest of my life being taunted by me.

I've eaten breakfast at three in the afternoon the last two days.

Just sayin'...

Check it out...my first diploma!

I've been declared "agile" by Who's Walking Who!

Now, I know you must be thinking "Maui, you're a frisbee dog...of course you're agile". And that's what I thought when Dan and Tiia got me agility classes for Christmas; which in itself was a bit disappointing because I had asked for a hundred pounds of cheese.

What I didn't know was that in addition to being a skill, agility's also the name of an obstacle course-like sport for dogs; and after six weeks of the three T's (training, tenacity and treats), the moment of truth came yesterday: the graduation lap.

The goal was to run through the rainbow tire, up and down the A-frame, over the jump bar, up onto the table, through the tube, across the bridge, around the weave poles and over the high jump. Naturally, I rocked the joint. And now that I'm officially "Maui Yurkenbaum, B.Ag", there are a few people I'd like to thank:

Mindy: Thank you for not taking Dan and Tiia to task too much for their self-directed, über-liberal learning styles. I saw where you were going with things, even if they didn't.

Sheilah: Thank you for the extra help on the weave poles. They really were the bane of my existence, but your crack-like treats made learning so much more enjoyable.

Seamus: Thank you for setting the bar high from the very first day. I overheard your Mom say you're gonna take a shot at the big leagues. Give'em hell, buddy!

Zoe: Thank you for reminding us every class that it's not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the dog. You can have the big table any time.

Bobo: Thank you for consistently deflecting attention away from my whining and whimpering with your submissiveness. You're a good friend.

Tiia: Thank you for pushing me and Dan to keep going with it, and for being my partner on the course. You're the beating heart of Team Yurkenbaum.

Dan: Thank you for supporting me and Tiia. I know you've been busy and it meant a lot that you didn't miss a class.

I eat sticks to make Dan mad.

Seriously...if you ever get the chance to make Dan mad, you should totally take it. He puts on this ridiculous gruff voice, his eyes get all wide and he does this mad-walk which is even weirder than his normal walk.

I get him mad by eating sticks in the park. The downside is that I throw up sticks the next morning. If I time it right, though, I can get the urge between the time Tiia leaves for work and the time Dan thought he was sleeping until. I love how mad he wants to get, but doesn't because he really believes I'm not feeling well. He's good like that.

But sometimes I wish he'd just let loose, if only to watch him mad-walk down the hall.