Hotdog

The Wilson Heights Warhawks are Dan's softball team. They had a horrible year last year and vowed to be better in 2010. I got a chance to watch their first game of the season with Tiia and Aunty Melly, and the early returns look good. They seem to have changed their offensive game plan from a top-heavy to a more balanced lineup, and they've gotten way better defensively. Of course, it was about 100 degrees out there so it's possible that everything I saw was a heat-induced hallucination. It wouldn't be the first time.

Improved hearing?

I had to wear a cone this week. First time doing that. I've seen other dogs in the neighbourhood wearing them from time to time, and I never made fun of them because I thought that if I showed a little compassion, karma would be good to me. Harumph.

Dan said I had to try to find the positives of wearing it to make it easier. My only thought was that it would amplify my hearing, and it totally did...just in time for the day Dan decided to play Jolene on repeat. Sometimes I hate my life.

Bad day

My hair got cut way shorter than Dan and Tiia said it would, I've got some pretty serious runs, and all I want is a piece of cheese. Looking forward to tomorrow....

Ask The Maui Monster

Dear Maui Monster...

I get insanely jealous when I see other dogs hanging their heads out car windows because my people won't let me do it. They probably think I'll jump out or something – which I'd obviously never do unless I saw a really fresh french stick. Any thoughts on how to get a whiff of whipping fresh air?

Cooped in the car

Dear Cooped...

So you're a bread man, huh? I'm more of a cheese man, but I've got respect for the breadsies. The Portuguese folks in my 'hood leave a lot of bread out for the birds. It's mostly crap, but once in a while I come across a really nice loaf. That makes my day.

As for cracking your window dilemma, you'll first have to get them to experience the rush of hanging their head out the window themselves. If your peeps are as tight-assed as you say they are, you'll have to drive their heads out with a foul smell. Farting is your best option (pooing will get you into serious trouble and puking is just uncomfortable). Once they've felt the wind in their faces, they'll be far more likely to let you try it. Voila, the groundwork's been laid.

The first time they let you do it, they're going to be watching you the whole time, so it's important that you look as cute as possible. Make sure you're lined up perfectly with the side mirror to give your peeps the best view of your cuteness. Given their paranoia level, it's really important that you hang out the passenger side window for the first little while – if you try the driver's side too quickly and a truck comes whipping by even remotely close, you'll be shut down.

When you eventually do get to the driver's side, what you want is for the driver to get so enamoured by your cuteness that they lose control of the car for a second, because then it becomes a story they'll tell – and once they have an entrenched tale that starts with "One time, my dog was hanging his head out the window", you're home free for life.

New to the napping nook...

Dan came home with a Marshmallow fold-out sofa for me the other day. Well, maybe not for me, but it doesn't matter much now, does it?

I like the Toy Story covering. I wonder what I would look like as a toy? I think I'd be plush instead of plastic. And I'd come with all of my stuff: frisbee, water bottle, brick of cheese I got for my birthday – none of this "sold separately" nonsense. Actually, that's not true. Snow booties can be sold separately. Or not at all. Stupid snow booties.