Ask The Maui Monster

Dear Maui Monster,

My people feel bad about not taking me for long walks in the winter. How do I let them know I really don't mind?

Love your blog,
Wonderfully Warm

Dear WW...

My people are the same way. They even go so far as to apologize when I come back inside after a bio break in the backyard. Sure, it's a break from snuggling up in bed, but as you know, looking cute is hard work. Here's what I broke out this morning. I call it 'Relaxed Bear'.

As for the guilt your people feel, I think you just have to let them own it and reap the benefits. I've used it to get more treats from the goodie jar (the liver treats are on rotation now — mmm.) You'll also have a little more leeway to push the boundaries. If you haven't read my guide to getting bed privileges, this is a good time.

Another benefit to more time inside is that you can try out different sleeping nooks. For example, I've rediscovered the brown couch and started taking advantage of the playroom carpet. Wherever you choose, make sure there's window. You want a bit of a cold air source so going out isn't quite as jarring. It's also nice to see how blustery it is so you can prepare yourself mentally. I hum the theme from Rocky.

It's like the TV isn't even there.

Every Sunday, when Tiia goes to the gym, Dan, Milo and I have Boys Time in the Basement. We wrestle (me and Dan), crawl through the psychedelic tunnel (Dan and Milo) snuggle (Milo and me) and yes — we watch TV. It's the only time during the week Milo gets to space out in front of the tube, but he doesn't do that.

Instead, he plays with his blocks, bangs on the bongo, takes his socks off and pulls at my ears. I guess it's a good thing he's not mesmerized by the bright talking box like three certain couch potatoes I know. Right now, we're binge-watching Suits. Only four episodes tonight. Progress.

You say it's your birthday?

Rigby lives in Philadelphia with Dan's friend Jackie. I wonder if he was named after Elenor Rigby? If I could be named after a Beatles character, it'd be Maxwell. I want a silver hammer for my next birthday. April 27. Just sayin.

Happy first Rigby!

A New Year's Surprise

I named Dan's parents Helsi and BenevolEd. I thought they were great grandparent names at the time. They prefer Bubbika and Zeddy. So do I.

Anyway, Milo slept at Bubbika and Zeddy's place on New Year's Eve.  I hear it's nice. I have fond memories of the basement in their old house. I peed on the floor the first time Dan and I went down there. I was young and experimenting with boundaries. I also liked the backyard.

Another reason I liked it was that there was no rule prohibiting dogs from visiting. Can't say the same for their new place, but I've made it my 2015 mission to change the condo board's mind.

I started on New Year's Eve by hanging out in the lobby while Dan and Tiia dropped Milo off. I made friends with the concierge (Happy New Year, Lawrence!) and met a lovely South African couple on their way to a party. 

Like in the basement at 146, I experimented with boundaries (Relax Zeddy, I didn't pee). I ventured to the far end of the carpet by the elevator bay. From there, you can't see the front doors anymore, which I'd argue means you're officially inside. Truth be told, I had no interest in moving off the plush fancy carpet anyway. Would you? 

Lawrence watched me the whole time and even asked what kind of dog I was. He'd heard of a Portuguese Water Dog, but never a French. Dan gave him the line. It never gets old.

I had Lawrence smiling the whole time, and not the nervous "I hope no one sees this" kind. It was more of a "I would let you up if I could".  

Step One – Endear Myself to the Gatekeeper: √ 

In case you're wondering, Step Two is getting caught in the lobby by an anti-puppy board member, and getting Dan and/or Tiia momentarily chewed out in the process. If they're smart, they'll say they're there to visit the Feingolds in 602 and hope it checks out. 

As the earful is being delivered, I'll throw my best cute-face on and actually make the deliverer feel silly about banning beautiful creatures like me.

He'll walk across to the Manulife Centre (where they allow dogs, by the way), grab a coffee, and realize that the rule makes no sense. He'll add it as a discussion point in the next newsletter and open the door for Step Three: The Surprise Visit.

Right...surprises. I knew I was going somewhere with this.

When I woke up in 2015, Milo wasn't there. It was back to the Yurkenbaum Three. I thought it'd be heavenly, but it wasn't, despite evidence to the contrary. I miss him when he's not around. He hugs me now. Can't beat that.

Theo

Theo spent the day at the office. He showed up with a housewarming chewy bone which was generous. I reciprocated by lying quietly in the corner while he got used to the space, which I would've done anyway, but he doesn't know that.

I learned this afternoon that Theo's a ball dog and a pretty good one. I'm a frisbee dog, myself. Like with cheese, I prefer wheel-shaped.

The Wheel Meaning of Christmas

This year, I got a racoon doll, an indoor frisbee, a 'world's greatest dog' sign and a perfectly-spiced chewing bone. I also got a taste of Dan's pulled pork, a few of Gramma Christine's potato latkes and a quarter of Milo's cheese omelette.

But the best gift was coming across this guy, with no feeling below his ribs, out for a morning walk on a beautiful day.

Happy Merry to all, especially to the person who came up with the Walk 'N Roll.*

*If this isn't the contraption's name, it should be. 

Zigzaggery

This is the rug in Milo's room. It's probably my favourite non-king-sized-bed surface in the house. That honour used to go to the white bear-skin carpet, but then I had a dream I was being chased by a polar bear through the Plains of Abraham and now it kind of freaks me out.

The pattern makes me a bit dizzy every time I look at it, which is why I try to keep my eyes closed when I'm on it. The downside to that, of course, is that I can't prepare for the swat I inevitably get from Milo. I know it's meant to be a gentle loving pet, and it's not that it hurts, but it can be a bit jarring when I don't see it coming.

Now, I know what you're thinking: "Why don't you just lie on your back with your eyes open so you don't see the carpet, but you can still keep an eye on Milo?" Short answer...I can't upstage the boy with cuteness in his own bedroom. That would be wrong. But in my bedroom*, all bets are off.

* it's so cute that Dan and Tiia still refer to it as their bedroom.